February 2012
52 posts
Giving up Tumblr for Lent so I'll be on Facebook... →
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I wish I could go back and tell myself that...
Looking back, I wasted so much time being hurt over things that mean nothing to me now. All the “crushes” and “relationships” I had are just…nothing to me. I spent so much time being upset over them. I look back and wonder why the hell they mattered so much to me. The past is the past. I have to learn that in the end, everything turns out okay.
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I hate how we don't have much of a relationship...
Sure, we’ll hit each other up every once in awhile, but honestly, we have nothing anymore. It’s pathetic, really. Especially compared to what we had before. I actually loved talking to you, but now it’s rare that I see your name pop up on my phone. And it sucks.
Lack of focus for school.
I reached the “I just want to graduate.” mentality. I have a lack of focus for school now. I don’t like doing homework, never did, and now I just hate it to the point where I hardly even open my book bag once I get home. I don’t really study for tests. I don’t like waking up early. I hate everything about school now. I just want the passing grade and get it over with.
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Finding any reason to talk to you...
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Ask yourself one question: Did you turn out how...
Remember when we were all little, we all got asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?”. Now look at yourself now, did you end up how you wanted to? Are you on the right path? I question myself all the time. Is this how I wanted to turn out?
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I hate how my parents don't trust me.
They act like I’m some out of control teenager. They think I’m going out partying every night. I just want to have a little fun. A little trust would be nice.
I wonder what goes on in your mind when you hear...
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"If I'm just a friend, then you must just be crazy...
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I miss talking to you.
I miss all those daily talks we’ve had before we eventually drifted off. I miss everything from the stupid jokes down to the serious talks and such. I guess you could say I’m missing you more every time we don’t talk
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If you still get jealous, you still have feelings.
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Crying actually feels kinda good.
When I cry, I feel like I’m releasing all the tension that I’ve been holding in for way too long. And afterwards, I feel better. Crying kind of takes away from the pain little by little. And even though I cry because I’m hurt, it helps.
I thought about hitting you up but then I realized...
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I don't want to "fall in love" in high school.
That really isn’t what high school is for. Sure, I’ll have a relationship here and there, but finding “love” in high school is a little out of the question for me. We only have four years in high school and then we all go to college or move on with our lives. How do you expect to be in love when everyone’s still maturing? I don’t want to waste my time being...
Sucks
When we first met, we clicked right away. Like we knew each other for ages. It sucks how everything is now changing, it sucks how I know we aren’t going to act the same towards each other like we used to. It just sucks how everything is just memories now.
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There's just something about you that I feel like...
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I hate girls who think they can be a bitch just...
Bitch, your beauty isn’t gonna last forever. I can’t wait until you turn into a wrinkly old prune, cunt.
I want to be that girl you remember.
The one that’s unlike the other girls you met. I don’t want to be like any of your ex’s or any of the girls of your past. I want to be that one girl you remember, the one that stands out of everyone. For when you want to smile, you’ll remember our times together and think of me. I just want to be the first girl to pop up in your mind instead of the others.
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I hate finding out things about people.
I really don’t like finding out “bad” things about people I know. It makes me look at them differently and I hate that. It’s absolutely terrifying for me. Whether it’s drugs or sex or anything else, it’s a real eye opener when you find things out. I don’t like that feeling. It makes me uncomfortable.
Strangers can become best friends just as easy as...
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I hate my temper.
It bothers me how I can’t control my temper. I get mad so easily and little things bug me more than they should. It’s annoying. I wish I could control myself and calm myself down before I say something I regret, but it’s so hard. Once I get angry, there’s no way to calm me down except for letting me blow off steam by myself.
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THROOWBACK <3 Be On You - Ne-Yo, Flo Rida.
I'm slacking off a lot in school.
It upsets me when I see my grades drop so much in a short period of time. I tell myself everyday that I’m going to try harder, but it never happens. Honestly, I know I can do a lot better. I just need to put all my effort and procrastinate less. I’m not stupid, I’m just lazy.
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Is it easy?
Just answer this for me, is it easy for you to live without me? Is it easy for you to completely ignore my existence when we used to talk everyday? Did everything we talked about and said to each other lose it’s meaning? I feel pathetic wanting it all back when you’re doing completely fine without me.
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Honestly, you get tired of it.
You get tired of the games, the heartbreak, the late nights tossing and turning, the crying, and the memories. It physically and emotionally drains you. You just don’t feel like trying anymore. It gets to the point where you don’t even want to wake up just so you don’t have to face it anymore. I’m tired of looking for someone to make me happy. It’s pathetic. I’m waiting for...
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I remember we used to text every second of the...
But now, not even a text. Not a single hi. I miss it, I miss us. It was because of me we drifted. I just want to go back, how we used to be. I miss our friendship like it was. I try my best to talk to you, but it seems like you’ve moved on.
We both passed by one another like we never knew...
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Girls, save your "v-card" for someone special.
When girls have sex, they release a special chemical called Oxytocin. It’s creates a connection between the person who she had sex with. Guys don’t release it when they have sex, which gives them the ability to have sex and feel nothing. Girls, on the other hand, are bonded to this person. No, it doesn’t mean they’re in love, but they will always feel something for that...
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I hate knowing that there's always going to be...
It kills my self esteem knowing that I won’t ever be the best because there’s always going to be someone who can do it 10x better. I think that’s why I have no more motivation. It’s the feeling of mediocrity. The feeling of knowing that I’m just average and there’s someone who’s more amazing than me, prettier than me, funnier than me, better than me.
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People are surprised when they read my Tumblr.
My Tumblr is like the complete opposite of my personality in person. My Tumblr is serious and has all my thoughts that I can’t stand to talk about in person.
In real life, I’m always laughing and can’t take anything seriously. I crack jokes left and right and seem to always be happy.
In a scary sense, I have a split personality.
Me: I'm so over him
Him: Hi
Heart: Kidding
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My soul feels...dead.
I’m so exhausted. Not necessarily physically, but emotionally too. I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster lately and it’s taking a toll on me. Acting happy in front of everyone and then coming home and just laying around because I have no motivation. It’s depressing, really. I just need a break from everything. I’m so lifeless and numb. I’m almost..dead.
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I miss having a guy to talk to 24/7.
We don’t even have to like each other, I just like having a guy to talk to. Don’t get me wrong, I love my girl friends like no other, but guys are so chill and fun to talk to. I miss having a best guy friend.
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Nostalgia, the pure bliss of reliving your...
Nostalgia sometimes brings me to tears. Listening to old music or watching old TV shows brings back all the memories from being a child. The feeling is rare now that we’re all growing up so fast, but when the moments do come, I can only smile. If only I could return to the past and watch my childhood over and over again.
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Next time, I'm not having a relationship based on...
I hate that. I don’t wanna be in a relationship where most of the talking is through text. If we get used to texting so much that it’ll be harder to talk about other things in person. I don’t want that. At all. I’d rather be comfortable talking in person than be comfortable texting all the time. I don’t want our most important conversations to be held through through...
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I really miss our relationship.
Whether we were in the just friends stage or the almost-relationship stage…I miss it. We used to talk all day, every day. The little texts where we told each other what went on during the day..Where did all that go? Now we have nothing. Nothing at all to show for the weeks we spent talking to each other. Our relationship is completely dead. I absolutely despise it.
“Got me lookin’ at this phone. Everytime it rings, I hope its you.”
– J.Holiday - Suffocate
I'm still upset about it. →
Even though I know the answers it still confuses me how it ended up this way.How can you wake up one day and decide to never talk to a person that impacted your life so much ever again? Maybe it wasn’t that way for you. Maybe it’s only me. Maybe the whole thing was exaggerated in my head and for me, it was great. It’s just crazy to me how I knew what was going to happen. I was expecting it. I...
Conversation with God
Me: God can I ask you a question?
God: Sure
Me: Promise you won't get mad
God: I promise
Me: Why did you let so much stuff happen to me today?
God: What do you mean?
Me: Well, I woke up late,
God: Yes
Me: My car took forever to start,
God: Okay
Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait,
God: Huummmm...
Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call.....
God: All right
Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did you do that?
God: Let me see, the Death Angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one of the other angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that.
Me (humbled): OH
GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.
Me: (ashamed).........
God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.
Me (embarrassed): Ok
God: Your phone went dead bcuz the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.
Me (softly): I see God
God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.
Me: I'm sorry God
God: Don't be sorry, just learn to trust me.....in all things, the good & the bad.
Me: I will trust you
God: And don't doubt that my plan for your day is always better than your plan.
Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, thank you for everything today.
God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I love looking after my children......
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. Isaiah 55_8
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I always get urges to text you...
Then I remember we don’t really talk anymore.
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I hate receiving advice sometimes...
I know when people give me advice, they have the best intentions, but honestly, advice doesn’t do shit. No matter what someone says, they can’t change the way I feel about someone. It just doesn’t work like that. All the “Everything’s going to be fine” and the “you’ll be okay”s just don’t help. They’re just empty cliche sayings....
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I hate how I can't control my thoughts.
I wish I could block all the bad thoughts from crossing my mind, but I can’t. It’s not as easy as just covering my ears and trying to escape the noise. I can’t do it. I’m stuck inside this jail I call my mind. It’s torturous. It keeps me up at night and haunts me all the time. I want to erase all my thoughts are start fresh. Is that so much to ask for?
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Don't chase someone who keeps running away.
If they don’t want you in their life, then why would you want them in yours? Sure, it might be hard to stop running after them for a while, but in the end, you’ll realize that no matter how long you chase them, they’re not going to stop for you. And you’ll see that it’s better for both of you to just let them walk away.
If I like you, I'm going to tease you.