Even though I know the answers it still confuses me how it ended up this way.How can you wake up one day and decide to never talk to a person that impacted your life so much ever again? Maybe it wasn’t that way for you. Maybe it’s only me. Maybe the whole thing was exaggerated in my head and for me, it was great. It’s just crazy to me how I knew what was going to happen. I was expecting it. I guess I just didn’t know it would happen so fast and that it would hurt that bad…  That’s the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night. I got over it because I’m not the type that holds on to things and the way I feel now is completely different from how I felt right after it happened. But it’s still so weird to me. And it hurts. Not in the way that makes you cry and heartbroken. But in the way that makes you rethink your whole perspective of yourself. What value do I have if someone can get to know me from inside and out and just leave like it’s nothing? It makes me feel pretty pathetic. The way I knew why I’m still upset is because every time I get close to someone I turn into a complete bitch and I come up with some stupid reason why we should end it or I just leave and don’t say anything at all. I treat them the way you treated me. I don’t let anyone get too close because I don’t want to feel useless ever again. And I hate it so much because I know much it hurts to have that happen. I ignore them and be really nice then be really mean and find ways to manipulate them because it makes me feel like I have power. Because when you have power and when you’re in control, it’s impossible to get hurt and you don’t get left behind. I leave people before they leave me. I treat people like they’re disposable and it’s not fair. I know it’s not fair but I don’t realize what I’m doing when I’m doing it. Look what you’ve done.